mind changing

I feel so indecisive sometimes about making my schedule for clinicals. I thought I would originally do two 12 hr shifts and i changed my mind and decided to do four 6 hour ones because it seems more reasonable to do it that way. One I will get more of a variety of things to do, two I get to work with my row buddies.
I just don't want to overwhelm myself with it. I know its go go go in the Er so it will go a lot faster than six hours at one of the bases.

Maybe I wont like the hospital, maybe I will. All I know is that an ER tech makes A LOT more than an EMT. I hope that I can get into a hospital somewhere to do this because I need money. I need to start saving to move. Moving into another country is not an easy task. I have to make a list (and check it twice) to make sure that immigration doesn't have issues with it.

But I will be so happy when the day comes that My family will be all together. I don't know who it is harder on..Carter or Nathan. We are five hours away from one another. If it wasn't for msn video chat I don't know what we would do. We see each other every other weekend and try to video chat on the days he has off. It sucks when you have a little boy who is in love with his daddy. I will be happy when Friday gets here and we see him.

The hardest thing...

The hardest part about being an EMT is watching some one contained on a long board and cot asking you "Am I going to make it?" And all I can say is yes you will be fine. Which my patient was fine, he survived...his car didn't, but he did. I told him we can replace cars and everything else, but you we cannot replace. You are more important to us than a car. Which is true. Cars are material things. The human life is so precious. The lady that caused the accident did not make it. It was bad timing on her part. She clipped one car and hit the other car head on. She was only 69.
I take great pride in knowing that I have saved a few lives in my short clinical time. After that accident I knew I could do it. As a basic EMT, there isn't much I will be able to do. But with what I can do I know it will make a difference in some ones life (or lives)
I guess this is my way of not letting things like a major accident get to me. I was told if we dwell on it to much you can go nuts. I don't want to have that happen. I still have my hospital clinical time to do, which I will see the other side. I may see more deaths. I dont know what I will see in the ER. I am nervous about that too.

That is me in the white. We were moving him from the car to the stretcher. It was not easy at all. You have  so many people around, shards of car, glass, gas, oil, you name it..its there. You gotta be on your toes and be prepared for the worst. The medic that worked the lady was so overwhelmed after wards that she wanted to break down.

Just some thoughts

When I started my EMT class back in February I never in a million years thought I would see the end of it. I was scared. Gradually I had gotten more and more comfortable with it.
Friday was my last EMT clinical before class is over. I got most of my experience that day. This is when I realised that I can do this. I can save a life. To know that my hands are going to help some one live is one of the best things I can ever imagine. To know that the man I helped is ok today makes me feel so much better. It is a part of me to help and to nurture. There is nothing else I want to do any more. I wish back when I started at U of M I went into nursing. Today I could be a nurse or a doctor! I felt that it was right to stick with my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. I guess my dream was wrong. I want to work in the medical field when I grow up.
I see things better now, knowing that "hey this is how such and such works" I was in awe of how such simple tasks we do in our body...like breathing. We do not think about it, but the way our brain, lungs,heart and other organs react is just a miracle. Even with how blood goes through the body. One little cell makes a huge trip do sustain life in us. Its amazing.