mind changing

I feel so indecisive sometimes about making my schedule for clinicals. I thought I would originally do two 12 hr shifts and i changed my mind and decided to do four 6 hour ones because it seems more reasonable to do it that way. One I will get more of a variety of things to do, two I get to work with my row buddies.
I just don't want to overwhelm myself with it. I know its go go go in the Er so it will go a lot faster than six hours at one of the bases.

Maybe I wont like the hospital, maybe I will. All I know is that an ER tech makes A LOT more than an EMT. I hope that I can get into a hospital somewhere to do this because I need money. I need to start saving to move. Moving into another country is not an easy task. I have to make a list (and check it twice) to make sure that immigration doesn't have issues with it.

But I will be so happy when the day comes that My family will be all together. I don't know who it is harder on..Carter or Nathan. We are five hours away from one another. If it wasn't for msn video chat I don't know what we would do. We see each other every other weekend and try to video chat on the days he has off. It sucks when you have a little boy who is in love with his daddy. I will be happy when Friday gets here and we see him.

The hardest thing...

The hardest part about being an EMT is watching some one contained on a long board and cot asking you "Am I going to make it?" And all I can say is yes you will be fine. Which my patient was fine, he survived...his car didn't, but he did. I told him we can replace cars and everything else, but you we cannot replace. You are more important to us than a car. Which is true. Cars are material things. The human life is so precious. The lady that caused the accident did not make it. It was bad timing on her part. She clipped one car and hit the other car head on. She was only 69.
I take great pride in knowing that I have saved a few lives in my short clinical time. After that accident I knew I could do it. As a basic EMT, there isn't much I will be able to do. But with what I can do I know it will make a difference in some ones life (or lives)
I guess this is my way of not letting things like a major accident get to me. I was told if we dwell on it to much you can go nuts. I don't want to have that happen. I still have my hospital clinical time to do, which I will see the other side. I may see more deaths. I dont know what I will see in the ER. I am nervous about that too.

That is me in the white. We were moving him from the car to the stretcher. It was not easy at all. You have  so many people around, shards of car, glass, gas, oil, you name it..its there. You gotta be on your toes and be prepared for the worst. The medic that worked the lady was so overwhelmed after wards that she wanted to break down.

Just some thoughts

When I started my EMT class back in February I never in a million years thought I would see the end of it. I was scared. Gradually I had gotten more and more comfortable with it.
Friday was my last EMT clinical before class is over. I got most of my experience that day. This is when I realised that I can do this. I can save a life. To know that my hands are going to help some one live is one of the best things I can ever imagine. To know that the man I helped is ok today makes me feel so much better. It is a part of me to help and to nurture. There is nothing else I want to do any more. I wish back when I started at U of M I went into nursing. Today I could be a nurse or a doctor! I felt that it was right to stick with my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. I guess my dream was wrong. I want to work in the medical field when I grow up.
I see things better now, knowing that "hey this is how such and such works" I was in awe of how such simple tasks we do in our body...like breathing. We do not think about it, but the way our brain, lungs,heart and other organs react is just a miracle. Even with how blood goes through the body. One little cell makes a huge trip do sustain life in us. Its amazing.

my baby turkey

Carter was born on October 11, 2010. It was the original day I wanted him to be born, but due to my OB not being able to get that day for surgery I had to change it to the 12th. But then the hospital said no and it got changed to the 19th. But my little turkey baby had other ideas.

That weekend we had went to Costco to get some stuff for Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving is Oct 11...hence me calling Carter my turkey baby) All weekend I felt like crap and didn't think anything of it. Sunday we just chilled until Nathan had to go to work until 7am. I was having  trouble breathing because he was breech and his head was in my lung. I decided at about 2am it was time to take a little nap before I went to get Nathan from work. Well at about 430 am my water broke. I thought I peed the bed. I get up and go to the bathroom to make sure. I get on the computer to tell Nathan that my water broke. I call my parents about 5 times to ask questions and to tell them we are on our way. The hospital was called a couple times as well.

In the time I told Nathan I was packing our stuff so we could go to the hospital. I was having bad contractions to boot too. I got all our stuff around as fast as I could so I could drive to Nathan's work to get him (yes I drove while I was in labour). We got back Nathan got ready as fast as I had ever seen him. We got to the boarder to Customs and it was honestly the fastest time we ever got through. The officer asked us where we were from and what was gong on...it was a basic "Canadian, American, and she is in labour!" The Officer in the other booth got mad that we were let through so fast, but what are they gonna do make me give birth to a breech baby in immigration? I think not.

We got to the hospital in about an hour time. I had bad contractions the whole drive, they were a good 5-7 min apart.  Nathan was driving this time, there was no way in hell I could have drove. We got there and went up to the Birthing Centre and I went into triage where I changed and the nurse checked to see if my water had really broken. I never got checked to see how far I was dilated since I had a c-section. I was in triage for about 5 min until I got my room where I got some what comfortable for 20 min so they could get my papers set and the IV hooked up. My parents had made it by then and were just as nervous as I was. Nathan was about crapping his pants because he was so scared.

I got wheeled into the OR and got prepped for surgery and waiting for Nathan. the worst part was the spinal. It hurt so bad. From what Nathan told me while he was waiting for me is that the nurses were complaining that My OB did not try to turn Carter. I had my reasons for that. It would do more harm than help, would not work, and the fact that I have scar tissue on my uterus from my LEEP that I had 3 years prior. Nathan got to sit on a little stool where the suction cords were so he got to see all the blood and baby juice being sucked out of me. It seemed like it took forever for them to get him out. The moment I heard him I started to bawl like a baby. I never thought I would cry like that. Nathan was the first one to hold him in the OR while I was getting stapled back together. The one thing I so remember asking him was what the smell was...it was my skin being burnt! I do not remember much from the surgery after that. I got wheeled out and was alone for a good 40 min to recover before anyone could come and see me. Carter was in my room before me to get cleaned up.

Our first reaction was that he was so dark. Nathan joked with me and asked if Carter was an Indian baby. He pinked up a couple days later. I thought he looked just like Nathan, and I still do! I see a lot of me in him as well, but he is going to be just like his daddy. The first time I held him it was awesome. I had never felt that much love for one tiny little person in my life. He was perfect to both of us.

I spent 2 and a half days in the hospital (and it was ok, but not fun) I was walking around the day after I had him. By the time he was 4 days old I was walking around the mall shopping for him. lol. Call me crazy, but I did not hurt one bit from my incision. My back hurt more than anything.

As for how we came up with his name, It was a last minute thing. We had a list of names and Nathan didn't really like any of mine, so he made a list of names and Carter was one of them I fell in love with it. I picked Evan for his middle name. But when we were getting ready to leave Nathan asked me what I wanted to name him I said "I don't know"..he went on with "ok we will go with Carter" and I said ok.  The one thing we missed about the 11th was the turkey dinner! lol We were so looking forward to it and having a week left before he came. His room wasn't totally ready. I didn't have a bad packed for him. I didn't have a bag for me really, just the clothes that I had at Nathan's house.

Needless to say it is going to be one of my top memories on how my little family started. Now I am counting down the days until we can give Carter a sibling because I sure miss being pregnant. It was one of the best times in my life (minus the summer heat!)

One of the first pictures of him. He doesn't even look like the same baby as he does now. I tell him to stop growing, but he wont listen!