Monday, September 10, 2018

Life after death



“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Is what Ferris Bueller says as he's planning to skip school. He has a plan to seize the day.  And he's totally right. Life does more fast. Blink and it's gone. Stop and look around at the positive things in life, because you will miss it.


Back in February, I received the news I never wanted to hear….ever. My cousin messaged me on facebook that I needed to call my brother, it was an emergency regarding my dad. So, naturally I called my dad first to see what was going on. No answer. I tried again, no answer again. Then I called my brother to see what was going on. “Amber, Dad killed himself.” My heart sank, I lost the one person in my life that I depended on. My son lost his best friend. My husband lost the father he never had. I sat on the couch in disbelief because I never thought this would happen. I just talked to him the day before and he was fine! We had gotten him a tablet so he could skype with our son, and I was explaining to him how to use it (again) He looked fine, he sounded fine. We didn't know anything was going on. I knew he had issues with his health, but was doing fine at the time and had things under control.


I sat there and cried as my husband called his mom and said that our son needs to come home now, something happened. I couldn't even be in the room when he told him. All I could hear was his sadness, his best friend was gone. My son was my dads world, his life, his everything. Same goes for my son. He told us that he loved his papa more than he loved us and honestly that was ok with me, it will always be ok with him.


That first few weeks were a blur. I didn't know what to think, feel, anything. I was angry, sad, confused, you name it. My poor brother just had surgery and we had to do this. He was in worse shape mentally and physically. I am so thankful for all my family that came to help us. I don't know what I would do without them! Everyone pulled together and we got what we needed to get done in the time we had.


This time was just different compared to the loss of my mom. It was just not expected, it put a harsh aspect on reality. It proves life is short, no matter how long you live. It can be gone in a blink of an eye.


The hardest part was explaining it to my seven year old son. How this was different then how grandma died. We told him that he can talk about it to whomever he wants to talk to. It can be us, it can be a counselor, it can be anyone. Just don't keep it in. Let it out. Cry, be angry, be sad. Just don't let it consume you. I think he is doing good. He tells me he misses his papa a lot, we all do. Everyday there is something that I wish I could call him and ask him a question about something that I didn't know.  I have had a few of those days lately. Life is hard when you don't have the one person you need. I am a daddy’s girl, so this was hard for me. Everything is still hard!


The day of his funeral was one of the hardest days of my life. My dad was a firefighter, a soldier, veteran, a husband, father, grandpa,  son, brother, uncle, cousin and friend. Hearing the last call from the fire department was such a somer experience. Those words will echo with me forever. I will never forget hearing “This is the final call” and seeing the firemen and women come sault my dad. I have never seen this before and it's never affected me so much in my life.  He was an Army Sergeant during the Vietnam War. He thankfully didn't get deployed. Regardless of deployment or not, he still served his country. I have his flag and dog tags and uniform. It is going to be one of my most prized positions. It is something that means the world to me. Having the Color Guard hand it to my brother and I was the most surreal thing. I don't know they do that. It's hard. Its an honor.


We put my parents at the Great Lakes National Cemetery. I would never have wanted anywhere else for them. It put me at peace with them being gone. It's such a beautiful place. Sad, but beautiful. We went to see them in August for the first time. I left them some flowers from my grandmas funeral (I have had a horrible year for death in the family. We have had three in six months) But I know she is with him. My dad was her baby and she was never the same. She died six months to the day of when my dad did.


My grandma’s death wasn't a shock like my dads. She was 103 and lived an amazing full life. The hard part of this was watching her slowly go, she was ready though. But she would always say “my baby, I lost my baby.” It broke our hearts. I cannot imagine what she went through. We didn't even take her to the funeral, because she probably wouldn't have even made it though it. I don't even think she made it down to their niche. I got to see her two months before she died and she was her normal funny, spunky self. The grandma that we all loved dearly. I told her I loved her and she said the same. I knew it was probably the last time I would ever see her.


Death is so hard on people. It doesn't matter if its a suicide or a natural death. It does happen. When there is an end, there is a new beginning.  It may take awhile to realise it, but good things do happen.

Also remember if you are having a hard time and are thinking about suicide, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call someone, talk to someone. There are people who care for you! Call 1-800-273-8255 (TALK), it's the suicide prevention line. There are strangers who care for you. IF you don't want to talk, you can text too, Text “HOME” to 741-741. Someone will always be there to talk and listen. I will listen to you too. I will be a friend and listen.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

LIttle bit of this...little bit of that

For as long as I can remember, we had this meat grinder. I inherited it when my dad passed. We always used it souly for making cranberry relish.  I mean it made THE BEST relish ever. I would be so excited to make it come holiday time because that's when we did it. 
I changed it up and did something different with it. I made some ground chicken, just to experiment and it turned out awesome.

Then I had to figure out what to make. We did a Costco run the other day and I got 5 lbs of quinoa, because hey why not...that's a good deal! I decided to make some stuffed peppers. I wasn't in the mood for beef ones. Plus, it was so hot out and beef and rice are so heavy!

I went on and cooked the chicken up with some garlic, garlic powder, and salt. Once it was cooked I added Kraft Greek dressing. Ill be honest, I am not a huge fan of Kraft dressing, but it works in a pinch!

I let it simmer in the sauce for a few and let it get all happy. Then I put the quinoa in the pepper and put the chicken on top and set it off to oven land at 350 for 30 min. Once done I topped it off with some feta....and that was all she wrote. It was AMAZING. 


Greek stuffed peppers:
  • 3 peppers cut in half
  • ground chicken
  • 1 cup uncooked qunioa
  • greek dressing of your choice
  • garlic*
  • garlic powder*
  • salt*
  1. Put some olive oil in a pan and cook the garlic until its fragrant. Add the chicken and cook until its done. Add some garlic powder and stir it up. Once its cooked, taste it. Add salt if needed.
  2. Cook quinoa according to how ever you want. Mine was 13 min to done. Put some of it in the peppers you've cut in half. Top off the peppers with chicken.
  3. Put in your preheated oven at 350 for 30 min.
* I always do seasoning to taste...Everyone is different, you do you!

Thursday, August 30, 2018

hey there long time no see....

It has been forever since I have wrote on here. I think its time to start again. A lot has happened since my last post! I'm not going to get into it now, because...dinner! Well, I need to make it!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

school and snot.....and more snot

Carter started school in September, all day five days a week...The day I found out I was a wreck. I was NOT ready for my child to go to school that long! (FYI I got over it...I CHERISH those six hours I have alone) But, with starting school means getting colds A LOT. My poor child has had at least 3 colds in two months. 
Smiley360 gave me a mission...Children's Mucinex....and I have to say it works! He had a cold for three weeks and NOTHING was working...even his prescription medicines!!! This medicine came just in time and after that initial dose I saw a whole new child...he was happy (minus the "gross" taste he claims) and didn't have a constant faucet nose!!! He only needed three doses in four days to get over his cold.

I cant say anything bad about this stuff. My son can. lol he hates the taste of it, but I told him that the bad tasting things are what make you get better faster! And that mom is always right!!!!



Tuesday, October 9, 2012

loss

Its only been three days since my mom passed. The initial shock is over, but when you lose a parent its always going to be there...that empty space is always going to be there.

Losing a parent is never easy and I never thought it was going to happen. I mean I knew someday it would, but not how it happened. We were having a party for Carter and my dad called me. We booked it back over the boarder to Michigan.

It was sudden, she didn't even know what hit her when it hit. She had no pain. She just told my dad it was going to be one of those days that it is hard to breathe and then he looked over and she was gone. I saw her Friday and she was happy and excited to go away for the weekend (which is what they did Saturday when she passed) They were up north looking at the leaves.

We knew it was going to happen. She had a heart attack when I was 15 (16 years ago) and they gave her 10 years. Then 5 years or so ago they told us that the blockage was just to bad in one of the arteries that they couldn't do anything for it and it was only time. She was due to get a new aortic valve in a few months as well.

What matters the most to me is that she got to be a grandma for 2 years. Carter was her pride and joy. I"m happy she got to see him one last time and said that she loved him. He knows shes not here he goes around and says "gramma gone"  Just the other day he took an old cell phone, opened it and went "hello gramma" I lost it. I know he misses her so much too. Im happy she got the time she did to be a grandma. She wanted to be one so bad.

I am doing ok until I think about the small things Carter does or says about her. I had the joy of going through all the photos for the dvd the funeral home is making and it has helped. Her memory is always going to live on in photos because she took so many! I had to go thru a memory card of 1106 photos! It was fun though, my brother and I laughed at the old photos and how they looked, even how we looked int he 80s.

As much as I want to break down and cry and hide under a rock, I try to remember the good things about her. All the arguing and bickering we did means nothing to me now. Death truly changes you when it is some one close to you. She is in no pain and has no worries now. It makes me happy to know she isn't suffering any more.

We all love and miss her dearly.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Battle

We are having two major battles here. One is milk, the other bed.
The problem with milk is that if he gets to much he cant #2 right! I had to take him off it while he was sick and then I gradually put him back on it a little at a time. I thought I had a good system going (3 times a day at meals) and then BOOM he starts puking from gagging again. So we stopped milk for another day, just to make sure (thank God for yogourt and cheese right?)
My solution, no milk at night...He gets two take and toss cups during the day. One in the morning ( this doesn't include his cereal milk) and one at lunch. I found out that if he gets any type of milk before sleeping time he gags.
I thought of switching him to soy/almond milk at the time, but I dont think its an intolerance issue. Its his stupid sickness!

As for bed, we changed his bed to a toddler day bed. Since he has been sick he has slept with me (irrational fear of him not breathing from compensating) So now that he is better he can go back in his bed. Easy right? NOPE. He refuses his bed to every degree he has. Night one he slept in there from 11-6 (with a bout of CIO) Last night was 9-6, no CIO, I sat next to him and moved away slowly ala Super Nanny. It worked too. He was out cold in 5 minutes and never made a peep!
I know one night isn't going to make a huge difference, but I Hope in some way it helped him understand that he needs to sleep in his bed again. We have done everything in our power to make his bed a cool place. He got a new night light...it has fish so its "Nemo" He has his whole gang of Sesame Street (plus 4 Elmos....I suspect he is the ring leader)

Its just amazing how little kids get something in their head and that is the way. Yea, I know my bed is better...but mama (and daddy) need time away from you!

Life after death

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Is what Ferris Bueller says as he'...